I am not intending to assert that atheists or agnostics are wrong in their beliefs. I'm simply trying to explain my own, and hopefully gain a better understanding of my beliefs myself by writing them out. I do have issues with certain types of people exposing these two belief ideologies, but that kind of person also exposes the beliefs of many other faiths as well. I can talk about them in a whole other post some other time.
In a previous post titled, I got nothing, I explained that I once had a conversation with God. I am very aware of how that makes me sound to most people. Still at the very least I believe it happened and this is the very brief synopsis of what happened to me.
At the time I was an intravenous drug user, specifically methamphetamines, but I wasn't opposed to putting other things in my veins either. I wouldn't say life was good, but after having lived like this for about a year I was well-adjusted to the life of an addict. Truthfully I'm not sure I would've ever changed if not for the following events.
In a previous post titled, I got nothing, I explained that I once had a conversation with God. I am very aware of how that makes me sound to most people. Still at the very least I believe it happened and this is the very brief synopsis of what happened to me.
At the time I was an intravenous drug user, specifically methamphetamines, but I wasn't opposed to putting other things in my veins either. I wouldn't say life was good, but after having lived like this for about a year I was well-adjusted to the life of an addict. Truthfully I'm not sure I would've ever changed if not for the following events.
I was sitting on the sink of a bathroom in a hotel room getting setup for my morning fix for the day before going to work. My feet were firmly planted on top of the toilet seat while all my paraphernalia was lined up carefully on the back of the toilet itself. I went through the same steps that I went through every other day. Take diabetic needle out of the jar of rubbing alcohol I left it in from the night before. Scrape fine sandpaper along the needle's point to resharpen it. Tie off with my belt and wait for a vein, while mixing the drugs with water. Fill the syringe with the mix and move to poke the vein.
'Why are you doing this?' Came the clear thought from a voice that didn't sound like my internal one. I was so startled that I froze in place with the needle poised over my arm. I didn't have an answer and I couldn't think of one. I put the needle down and sat there thinking about that question till the guy who was staying with me banged on the door to let me know I was going to be late.
I've never picked that needle back up, literally and figuratively, I think the dude who was staying with me actually stole my rig and stuff because it was missing when I got home. I still consider that a favor.
The question has stuck with me and often when I am unsure about things I'll ask it of myself again. I've never heard the voice again and I sincerely doubt that I will before I die. I just hope at this point that when I finally do, I will be able to answer it about what I did while I lived.
So when I think about God that is what I remember first and that is why I believe.
Wow, Jase. I totally believe you because I had a similar experience. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I had told your father on Valentine's Day, thinking it would be a special gift for him. Needless to say, his reaction was considerably less than enthusiastic. I lay there in bed, crying and ernestly praying for you. I didn't know whether I would be able to raise you alone and considered an abortion for about 3 seconds. Longest 3 seconds I have experienced. After I had cried myself out, I continued to ask what should I do? An incredible warmth and sense of peace came over me, and a voice said, "Keep the child". And here you are, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteSo when people ask me if I believe in God, I tell them of my experience. I cannot prove it but I know positively there is One.