A moment of wonder

So last night I was dealing with a bad bout of depression. Full on 'the world will be a better place without me' type depression. I quietly suffered through it as usual, and just hoped tomorrow would look brighter. After work I decided to go hang out with a couple friends of mine and have a few drinks, because honestly I wasn't sure I should be alone. We were hanging out and talking about the new Fallout, when surprisingly I got handed a stack of Magic cards.

I have been a huge fan of Magic the Gathering ever since I was a child. I started playing when Revised edition was released back in 1994 and have been off and on ever since. My favorite creatures are the Slivers, and my favorite color is black with red a close second. I own a Modern format deck worth a couple hundred dollars and my collection has somewhere between 15 and 20 thousand cards in it. I have no idea how much the entire thing is worth, but if you were to break it all up it might be a couple of grand. I would never do this because money is simply useful and Magic is something I love.

To put it into perspective, when I was in high school I didn't go to class much. Most of what they were teaching were things I already knew, or didn't care about. Instead I would wander around Bozeman picking up spare change off of the street and go to one of the local shops to buy cards. I spent hours flipping through cards and imagining the worlds these beautiful pieces of card stock depicted. I still think, to this day, that this was a better expenditure of my time, and it went on for years.

Now there are a number of highly sought after cards for reasons of  monetary worth, rarity, and top level play, but one card is always talked about, the infamous Black Lotus. You hear about it in shops and peoples basements. Even people who just know Magic players hear about this card, and often remember the sound of awe and want in players voices when they talk about it. As I said it is a rare thing to find and in the 21 years I've been playing the only time I had seen one was a color copy print that another friend of mines little brother had made to play with, or a bad fake to put it another way. I've played all over the country looked in shops and private collections and had never seen a real one until last night.

Not the best picture, but I don't care and you can find super clean pics on the net if you like. Nore is this the rarest edition of this card, but I spent 20 minutes looking it over and it checked out on all the little discrepancies that it should have from that edition. In mint condition this one card goes for about 6 grand. Which means it is technically worth more than my entire collection. I am still reeling from getting to hold it (literally took it out of its protective sleeves and touched it), but quite possibly the happiest moment I've had in many years. 

Take that depression.  

Thoughts while reading: Common Sense

So I've been reading Common Sense, by Thomas Paine, but I'm having trouble concentrating. My thoughts keep turning back towards the group I play vampire with and my social interactions in general. Strictly speaking whether or not I should have any.

Most people aren't aware that I don't like being in public. Those who have heard me say as much often treat it with skepticism, but I think that's because I seem to be constantly fluttering about at social gatherings. I generally have comments about current events and greater insight into what is happening in the world to share, and I rarely cause a scene. I'm willing to engage on just about any topic that doesn't concern my personal history, and actively encourage others to talk about themselves. I also rarely feel the need to assert my own thoughts as correct, and generally smile and nod when people tell me I'm wrong unless I have something else to reinforce my point in a subtle way. All the hallmarks of a master diplomat or politician, which I will never be because of my personal history. To many skeletons.

Despite all this I really don't like being in public, mostly because I can't go to even a grocery store without someone complimenting me on how I look, dress, or my choice in purchases. That last one is actually part of the reason I started buying generic brands, so that people would have less of a reason to be attracted to me. I know how it sounds, but to give an example I went out to eat and shop today and I was stopped three times by people who don't know me. One guy was convinced that I had been in a movie he'd seen, another thought my outfit was awesome, and a woman thought my hair was lovely. So three times I had to thank complete strangers for their words while all I wanted was to buy some goddamned tuna fish.

I guess I should be grateful that people notice me and want to talk to me. I'm sure as I get older it will fade, and then I will get to bemoan how no one ever sees me. Trouble is that I feel that way now and always have. Maybe that's the reason I exist, as some piece of artwork to inspire feelings in others. Yeah that's great, because everyone wants to grow up to be a cliche like the handsome dark brooding mysterious stranger. All to often I feel like a character written in a book, but without the agency to control my story.

That's all I have to get out right now, until next time goodnight.

Filler

In the interest of keeping myself in practice, today's entry is filler. In the past I've used this title for filling in posts on the blog with pictures. Sadly I haven't cruised any picture caches for awhile so I don't have one of those for you. I may think of one while writing this that will get added in.

Most recently my non janitorial activities have consisted of watching Arrow. It's funny to me that now is when I'm actually getting into superhero series. Batman was always a thing, but most of my knowledge about superhero stories came from movies and cartoons. I was never a big comic reader growing up, my taste ran to novels and short story anthologies.

Now with so many shows getting pitched to networks, learning comic lore is as easy as binge watching over a weekend. The convenience is great but, I get concerned about how much less I read these days. So far this year I believe I've only finished six or seven books. I tend to not count articles published online as serious reading. It is an unfounded prejudice, but one I hold despite that fact.

Holding a book and turning the pages has always been integral to my experience while reading. The rasping sound of a paper edge touching skin, while anticipating the next word as you turn the page is totally missing from reading electronically. I will not deny the advantage of typing for the content creator, but I do lament the familiar texture of paper under pen.

I've only got a few minutes before my writing exercise is over so I suppose I should close up. How does one close up a short fragmented whim like this?

Bad poetry

A bullet or blade, is how deaths are made.

Sometimes its cyanide, they way we hide.

When the pain of being born, leaves you hollow and forlorn.

It comes time to ask, why keep the mask.

Day in day out, it's all scream and shout.

But never out loud, that isn't allowed.

People would stop and stare, while you pull out your hair.

Their unknowing eyes, accusing you of lies.

Without empathy they react, believing it's an act.

No frame of reference, it must be a pretense.

Pain so deafening, no hope it's lessening.

Don't want world peace, just a moments release.

Broken inside, but desired outside.

Can't let them down, no time to frown.

This won't make sense, and neither will this.

Missing people

I do that from time to time. I was talking with Jo about some of her friends moving out of town and it struck me that I really miss talking with a lot of people I know. I've moved around so many time over the course of my life that it is kind of second nature to me, the missing people thing, and that I'm really good at just ignoring it.

Probably to good in fact. I don't take enough time to have real one on one conversations with people, even over the phone. I tag ideas and causes over Facebook and Google plus from time to time so I know people can keep up on what I think is important to talk about right now, but it's not really the same thing.

I often can't conceive of what I would talk with people about though. There are such huge gaps in between times I've talked with people that it's hard to remember who knows what. There's also the issue of about twenty years of casual drug and alcohol use compiled with a history of mental illness and/or mental disability (depending on how you want to look at it or phrase it). Tends to leave one's grasp on reality shaky at best.

This further compounds with a vivid imagination that I've cultivated from reading at least hundreds of books, thousands of television shows and movies as well. There's also the long periods of incarceration and self imposed solitude that were often only alleviated by my ability to escape into my head. Compound that with the fact that you can show people a video and get different memories recounted from each of those people, all following a current theme, and who knows what is actually real.

When you struggle with that question, coupled with others on a regular basis, it's hard to think of what to talk to other people about, even when you have been close with them. I still miss many of you though. I just don't know what to say.

Wandering thoughts

Often I look for a reason not to speak up about things. I am also super uncomfortable engaging in judgement of people. I am happy to condemn many behaviors (eating with your mouth open), things I don't believe have a soul (like corporations), and things that are fictional (Frodo sucks); but people, that just makes me feel sick.

So I keep what I have to say to myself, and often shock people when I do speak up. Sometimes I am dead wrong about things, but often I realize that some folks just don't see things they way I do. Trying to explain to folks how I accomplish things that seem amazing, but are really simple for me, is very frustrating. How I talk to cops is a good example.

I have rarely driven with insurance, but the only time I have ended up with a ticket, for the lack of proof, was the one time I got into an accident while I was driving. I have been pulled over several times, and yet the one ticket I got was for not wearing a seat belt.

I'm very good at demonstrating how harmless a person I am and relating to police. I never show fear, just overwhelming friendly curiosity about anything other than where my registration and insurance is in the car. I will talk about how there night has been, what their favorite part of their job is, what hobbies and interests we might share, and always concern that I might be keeping them from something important. This usually ends with me and the officer shaking hands, and occasionally them coming back after I've said goodbye to let me know, in an apologetic tone, why they originally pulled me over before heading back to their car to leave. I don't think I have ever actually shown a police officer my insurance (if I had it) and sometimes not even my license.

It seems obvious to me how this works out, but I can't conceive of how to explain it better than that. It is the same with other things like raising the minimum wage. I firmly believe in raising it, and yet I meet people who say it won't help. They like to point out how it will just increase the cost of living, but seem to miss the fact that the cost of living hasn't stopped going up even as the minimum wage stagnated 30 years ago.

If the minimum wage was adjusted for inflation and cost of living every year that would actually slow the rise in cost of living. There wouldn't be a reason to actually raise the cost of products to compensate for workers wages because it would end up being a zero sum game. Prices would raise and then wages would go up and then prices would raise and then wages would go up and it would be a weird cycle that no one would bother to continue to perpetuate overtime.

Thank you for the birthday wishes.

I am not generally one to make a deal out of birthdays, but I do appreciate all the well wishes.

I turn 33 today, and assume there will be many more. Every decade that goes by  has surprised me, for good and ill, and often the years as well.

The two things I can think of that cheer me the most this year are the continued decline of violent crime on average and real public interest in democratic socialism. I hope that society as a whole keeps working on the first and thinking about the second. This is not to discount any of the other social progress or problems that have happened or are being wrestled with, just saying these are my particular happy thoughts today.

God bless and well wishes back to everyone.

More scribbles

Picture day

Why yes I have been known to stare at a corner for hours.

Not actually a return, but some thoughts on beliefs.

After careful thought over the months since my last post. I've come to the conclusion that this blog doesn't serve the purposes I originally started it for. There is simply to much nonsense floating about in people's heads (including my own), to have a rational exchange of ideas. It seems that the world isn't ready for open debate, and the variety of experience that each of us has breeds conclusions of certainty that are often lacking in-depth investigation to the outlying context of the subject mater itself. Put another way, our intuitive emotional natures get in the way of logical discussion, regardless of how logical we believe ourselves to be.


I had originally intended to use this blog to explore the depths of my own thoughts and feelings about various subjects, and allow for others to comment and challenge said thoughts with rational dialogue to help me grow as a person. This was not what was happening and I found myself  defending my points from the feelings of others. I really don't care how right an individual feels they are about a subject, I simply accept it and listen to it the same way I would listen to anyone expressing themselves. Often with patience and sometimes awe, but on occasion I will point out how their ideas could lead to hurting others if left unrestrained. Subjective beliefs are fascinating to me, but as I have plenty of my own on most subjects, I don't feel the need to debate them. I would prefer to investigate and explore them.


I have debated such things in the past and learned a few universal truths about subjective beliefs. They are often not based in factual evidence. When they are based on facts, it is often only one interpretation of said facts. Most people never go back to reanalyze those beliefs once they have made them. When they do, they often just follow the previous line of reasoning, instead of forcing themselves to use another one. Even when this is done, the entire growth process has to be gone through for each subjective belief that an individual holds. It is an exhausting process that quickly tires an individual and is rarely achieved overnight. While the challenge of said process can be fun and rewarding in the long term, there seems to be little practical use for such a skill concerning subjective beliefs.


Subjective belief are often unprovable until put into practice, and often that can only be done with a large number of people willing to go along with the practice. The irony is that this usually creates a false sense of the ideas working, because everyone involved buys into the idea that it can work. This is often unchanged by a catastrophic failure, because it is easy for us to assign blame to individuals involved in the project, of proving the belief, instead of recognizing that the belief itself is wrong. This is an example of being too close to the subject to have a detached observation of what is actually happening.


So it seems to me that a blog is a poor place to investigate such beliefs. While there is merit in sharing them so that others may think on them as well, a debate is a foolish endeavor because little will be resolved. The participants in such a debate will likely just double down on their individual perspective, and slip away from the intention of rooting out the actual problems. Subjective beliefs rarely change from debate, but often from observation and contemplation. The debate causes an adversarial situation that we are biologically programed to attempt to win. it is only later that we can actually learn anything from it.


As a result from this point on there will be a 24 hour limit on comments per post. This will give everyone a chance to add their piece to posts, but will keep a days long debate from actually developing on the blog itself. In the various social media comment threads this will not be true, but I personally don't care about what is said out there. Social media is the forum to share ideas, but those ideas are usually without greater context. Hence why blogging is supposedly dying even as twitter is gaining in popularity. To many people seem to think that quantity is greater than quality.


So if I continue to post here it will be to find quality in subjects over quantity. I will link and post things I come across here and either add initial thoughts to them or let them sit until have had time to think them over. I will be shifting my practice to searching for the actual greater context of ideas and shape the posts into greater studies of the ideas within even as I delete the fragments that will be pushed over into the greater posts surrounding the subject.


In short I will be making things TL;DR, because the rest of the internet has plenty of 140 character long superficiality. Thank you for reading. Have a good day.

Just filler

I'm also pro Bernie Sanders for president.

Quick updates and reminders

Marriage between same sex couples can't be legally discriminated against now. Congratulations America for finally getting this right. Sorry to the same sex couples who have had to wait for this to be put into legal precedent.

This does not mean the discrimination has disappeared however. We all need to remember that there are still underlying cultural attitudes that need to be fought against. This battle will be fought in the schools and in homes and will take generations to overcome.So to those of my friends whose beliefs are of a contradictory nature, to the idea of Adam and Steve being married, I offer a few reminders.

We of faith are not God's proxies in judgment of others. Our purpose is to lead in the examples of love and tolerance in spite of our own weakness. It is the elements of God's grace, not wrath, that brings us closer to God.

This decision is not an attack on our beliefs, but an end to the injustice of man's laws. This is worthy of celebration as it, in my opinion at least, brings us one step closer to being the loving nation we want to be regardless of religious creed. The right to our beliefs is still safe, we have lost nothing, but we have gained an opportunity.

The opportunity to help others who may struggle with their perception of this decision. There's sure to be some outrage as or brothers and sisters struggle with the demons of prejudice, ignorance, and fear. Let us instead of heading these things in ourselves, reach out with compassion, joy, and understanding to all.

Thank you for reading have a nice day.

Close minded, am I?

A very good friend of mine made an statement that he couldn't believe that I was as closed-minded as an assertion I wrote made me seem to be. From the perspective he detailed, logically I can't refute this claim. I can even go so far as agree with it. Some might be saddened by this, I am not. I accept that I am a enslaved by my own prejudices, but that will not stop me from attempting to work within them to understand external ideas.

Perhaps I have not been clear enough about why I write this blog for everyone else to understand what I am creating here. This is not a search for universal truth, but an examination of my personal truth. That examination takes the form of looking at how I think and working through the process of how I reached the conclusions I have come to. I hope that being honest about the process and detailing it will allow others to point out the flaws and in turn allow me to further refine my understanding of the external world. Nobody should hold their breath while I do this, especially concerning matters of spirituality.

So what is my problem? Put most simply, I am the problem. To put it into an analogy, my thoughts are a faded teddy bear missing an eye. I know I should get a new one, but I love this one. It has been with me all of my life. I can see how it has been patched over the years and even the eyes have been replaced from time to time. I can identify why and when the repairs were necessary. I can even detail how they were done, but I still have the bear. I'm not even sure I could get a new bear, but I do believe I can make the old bear better.

The bear is a metaphor for my mind, which is made up of a collection of thoughts. These thoughts are the collection of ideas, prejudices, experiences, and conclusions I have collected over my life. Some live in the stasis of maybe, others are reinforced and solid, and some are scarred in by pain I am not ready to confront and heal.

I can know all this and still not overcome it. That is partly because of the undeniable emotional interference to actually doing so. We have emotional input tied to everything we have thought or done. With practice we can suppress or detach from emotional connection to the things we think and do, but this takes effort and energy that we can't always spare.

I enjoy and am often exhausted by working towards the goal of improving my thinking. However I am not fortunate enough to expend all of my resources towards that goal. I do think it would be a worthy expenditure, but the fact is we don't live in a society that wants to, or possibly can, support an individual to do so. Thus the process for me at least becomes retarded in growth.

In conclusion, know I have limits on how open-minded I can be. I do want to overcome them, but it has to take a backseat to the pursuit of functionality in our current societal framework. To quote Bill Maer- I'm crazy, not stupid.

Thanks for reading, hope you have a good day.

Last day of vaca

So all good things must come to and end as does my last day of being paid while at home. I must say it has been a strange time. Interacting on a regular basis, through the net, with others has reminded me why I usually don't. You people are exhausting, and distracting.

So while it has been fun I shall now retreat back into my corner of the internet, and away from comment threads again. So many audio notes and just lines of description to grind out before next weekend, may make my presence here scarce for a few days as well. So as per usual when I go digging into writing fiction I leave you with the picture I will likely stare at while coalescing my thoughts into a vision.

The proselytizing athiest or the advocate of disbelief

Something I find fascinating is the strong objection by some atheists to having their belief system characterized as a belief system. A secondary and related objection is to be described as proselytizing. I'm going to explain why this assertion can accurately describe both these thoughts. If you are fascinated by word usage and definition this post should be entertaining and informative. If not, then your head will probably explode from the emotional reaction to the paradox of how an ideology based on disbelief can be characterized accurately as a belief. It is not my intent to offend anyone, though I probably will, but simply to promote better understanding between myself and others.

First I suppose we should define the terms belief, proselytize, and religious. If you have not clicked  the links and read the full definition and examples of usage I will now explain how I am using the words in brief. This is not because I think you need a lesson on what these words mean, but because how I use them may deviate from common usage you may have experienced. This is a common mistake of perception that we all make based on how our brains typically work.

Belief is a noun and represents something one accepts as true. While often used in conjunction with religious beliefs this is not necessary for something to be a belief. Many believe that climate change is real because we can accept the assertion by most of the worlds scientists. We know there is a mountain of evidence that they have for each of us to look at, but few would take the time to look at it. Hence most of us simply believe the scientists rather than actually formulating our own experiments and collecting and correlating data ourselves.

Proselytize is a verb and represents advocating a belief or opinion. While most often used to describe religious beliefs or opinions it is not necessary for the act of proselytizing. Vegans often proselytize on the subject of eating animals and using animal based products. It can be described as proselytizing because vegans are advocating their opinion that these practices are harmful. I myself am proselytizing right now by advocating my opinion that some atheists advocate disbelief in a deity.

Religious is an adjective describing something of a belief or practice pertaining to one's belief or thoughts about worship of a divine being. It should not be confused with the noun religion, which is a thing. Religious iconography can refer to a picture of a cross  just as archaic can be correctly applied to that same picture if it was made using a process no longer used in the modern era. Neither descriptor in this case changes what the picture is, but simply relates it to other things.

So why use the phrase 'proselytizing atheist'? Well it has to do with the subject matter of the opinion. Because atheism is the belief that a god doesn't exist, it is proper to place it with the words that have connection with religious beliefs. Furthermore it is proper to define it as a religious belief, because it is an opinion about a god like other religious beliefs.

Atheism is unique among religious beliefs, because it starts with 'there is no God.' This does not invalidate that it is about God, and thus subject to classification as both religious and a belief. It is the similarities of subject matter that allows for this, not the subject matter itself.

This seeming paradox of language is what I believe is the source of confusion and conflict over the phrasing of atheism as a belief system and proselytizing atheist. Atheism at its core is a belief in disbelief and superficially seems contradictory, but when you look deeper at it, it can make sense from the various tenants of the perspective of a god not existing. If you want to know more about the ideas themselves I would suggest watching Neil Degras Tyson's presentation in The Atheist. I may disagree with his conclusions, but his reasoning is fascinating intellectually.

Whew, I can still feel the brain sweat from working this post out. I hope you enjoyed reading it and were able to take away something from it. Any arguments or additions to this subject are welcome, but remember I am unlikely to respond unless they are in the comments on this post. 

Thanks for reading and have a good day.

What are you reading?

This question was posed to me by a gentleman several years ago while we were talking about what might've caused the change over from the bronze age to the iron age. I had explained to them that I didn't really know, but that I had some  ideas about the subject. By the time I was done, it sounded so plausible he posed this question. My answer was that I read a little bit of everything, no particular subject or style of writing is something I try to avoid. 

Recently this has expanded to listening to podcasts. In the course of my job I'm afforded 6 to 10 hours throughout the day where I'm not doing anything more challenging than vaccumming. Since I'm fairly picky about what music I listen to this time has been getting filled by podcasts.

So what am I currently reading, I mentioned in another post that I was reading: The Quick, by Lauren Owen. The list of my current reading is larger than this one book. So here is the full reading list of just books I have cracked open and will likely finish by August.

How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes, by Daniel Smith. A book on the lessons of observation, memory practice, and deductive reasoning. The character I am playing in the vampire game is supposed to be a private detective and so I thought this book might be good character research beyond the neat concept of the book itself.

Mermaids and Other Mysteries of the Deep, edited by Paula Guran. A collection of short stories based on the title subject. I have always liked stories about pirates and sea monsters, but sadly few titles have caught my eye. I also really like anthologies in general because at worst I only like half the stories. A novel can suck the whole way through, but an anthology can't.

A Whack On the Side of the Head, by Roger von Oech. This book is about creative thinking and how to overcome the mental blocks most of us have and don't even realize it. This was brought to my attention in a podcast by Mark Rosewater, lead designer for Magic the Gathering. I think he has mentioned it at least a dozen times over the couple hundred of his podcasts I recently caught up on. So it made the reading list.

Those are the four, and as I finish them, I will let you know what I think of them. Now the mystery of why I don't play video games becomes less so.

Stupid thing I read on Facebook: economics better than politics

So in case anyone's been wondering why my posts have been in such weird times it's because I'm on vacation. Now  vacation for me means generally just chilling out at my house. There's some drinking involved, but mostly I'm just enjoying not having to do stuff on my normal set schedulle. This also means that I've actually spent some time going through Facebook newsfeed. Usually I don't have time, which I think is funny because I end up posting this blog to Facebook, like I'm good enough to create content on Facebook but not cool enough to read your stuff. That's not really how I see it, but I could totally see that's how it looks. Just makes me laugh.

So I have this free time and I'm like hey I should check Facebook, it's been awhile.

Now most of the time I see neat stuff from various posters and pages that I actually subscribe to. I generally like people who are friends of mine on social media and they usually post stuff that's cool or at the very least I'll see a funny video or something containing cats. Good times for me and whoever posted the stuff because I'll drop a like within the first five seconds if I'm enjoying the thing.

But not 24 hours ago, no at that time I ended up in a conversation that ended simply because the guy who made the assertion couldn't actually defend his point or address my counterpoints. He evaded my questions and then spouted off about how he was going to answer me on a new post, which I never saw and wasn't linked to the thread where this conversation was actually happening. Then he had the nerve to imply I was the dumb one for not going and searching for his new post and reading it. At which point I ended the conversation after explaining why I was done and wishing him luck with his ideology.

So what kick this whole fiasco off was his simple statement: I think the world would be a better place if people studied economics instead of politics.

Now I can own up that when I read this particular gem I'd been working my way through shots of tequila and drinking coronas for about two or three hours. Which is just right for me to bother engaging someone willing to make this kind of statement. Because if I've been sober I would've just ignored it and moved on with my day. That is how I usually treat things that superficially look stupid, but drunk Starr gets curious and likes to play with people who say things like this. 

What makes this statement attractive to me? It's the combination of unfounded opinion mixed with a dash of wishy-washy pseudo-intellectual mindedness. It's like catnip for me, because I have yet to read a statement framed like this that someone can actually rationally defend. It's totally cool with me if someone just feels like this and says that, but when they try to rationalize it and argue it, as if it was defensible with facts, it just kind of ends up coming out sad. I do recognize that I am the other person willing to engage in these kinds of conversations and it probably makes me look like a dumbass, but like I said usually it happens when I'm drunk and while that might not make it permissible I at least feel okay about it. At least I'm not driving right?

I won't bore you guys by going into the specifics of how the conversation rolled out, but I did ask him one basic question after I made a simple point neither of which were addressed, they are as follows: 

Economics is primarily the study of supply and demand. Politics is the process of studying and manipulating many subjects including economics.

Since politics can make or break economies through enforced regulations, wouldn't it be better to study politics?

Now both of these statements, while technically correct, do not encompass the complexity of either one of these subjects and I am very aware of that. As for the question, to the best of my knowledge, the individual I tried to debate never even attempted to answer it. When confronted with these facts they responded by insulting my intelligence and my capacity to understand the subjects, again without any exclamation and thus receiving little more than my contempt.

I honestly hoped to engage on the finer points of various economic schools of thought, economic system theory, the factors of economic cycles, effects of economic growth, looking at global trade, some of the psychology of choice in economics, tax and spending policies, and the power of market forces. I then  would've liked to of drawn a comparative effect of those ideas against the juggernaut that is the all encompassing science of politics, which is often used to discuss any idea in a social context. In fact the influence of politics is why I have an understanding of economics and bothered to further my understanding of economics to the point where I at least know the general classifications for the factors surrounding the social science of economics. Not an expert by any means, but to say I don't know what I'm talking about assumes that I can't pick up an economics textbook and read about these things with intent to try and understand them.

So that's the summary of my drunk internet argument that concluded a handful or maybe even a dozen hours ago and I just now got around to writing about it. Hopefully it hasn't been too boring for you dear reader and I will have something more interesting to talk about tomorrow.

As always, thanks for reading, and I would be happy to write more in depth about any of these subjects by request.

The converter

Conversations about faith are a hot bed of social taboos and strife, but why? Even today you are likely to be looked down on for attempting to speak about God, or a god regardless of how you present your ideas. While the atheism belief system (yes it is a belief system as defined by purporting a series of beliefs without factual evidence) is on the rise, along with it's angry brother the anti-theist movement that likes to hide with in the ranks, I have trouble believing it is the sole cause. It is likely a factor, but there are others I can think of. Lets focus on just one for now.

Enter the self appointed individual whose goal is to convert you to their beliefs. This person can be recognized by both their fervent passion on the subject and a blatant disregard for facts or arguments to the contrary of their dogma. You can find this person amongst almost any group by simply ranging across topics until you trigger the rant. We shall dub them the converter or asshole if you prefer.

Now I have to warn you about assuming the most passionate person on the subject in the group is a converter. Many people are passionate about things, like nerds and geeks, and will go on about their thing long past everyone else's actual attention span. I love passionate nerds, if not for them we wouldn't be introduced to the minutiae of a great many topics. Plus watching passionate people is spellbinding all on it's own, kind of like watching a couple so enthralled by each other they forget everyone else in the room.

Back to the converter, this vile person often has the same passion as a nerd, but wields it like a weapon. They will purposely use their words with the intent to make you feel less for not being like them. They also like to threaten dire consequences if you don't convert, this is a staple and a tell of the converter. Be watchful of it so that you can debate this person, if left unchecked they will succeed, if not with you then with others.

See the converter needs to make converts to feel justified in their own beliefs. Lucky for us this makes them vulnerable to questioning. If the converter is forced away from the rhetoric and required to support the things they say often they will falter or fall back on the dire consequences argument. If they refuse to engage, question them on why they won't engage.

So why talk about these kinds of people? Simply put, I blame them for making the topic of religion uncomfortable. Nobody likes being talked down to, especially about something as ephemeral as belief and religion. That's not to say that our feelings about religion or religion itself are not very real to those who believe. Most people however can relate a story of at least a friend of a friend having religious beliefs forced onto them. This has painted the entire impression of these conversations as a negative experience, over centuries, that people are quite honestly just done with them.

To bring this to its conclusion and my point, I would encourage anyone who wants to talk about their beliefs, on any subject not just religious, to shy away from the idea of converting the other person. They have to want to join you and be open to the possibility. The best way to do that is to tell it from your perspective and present it honestly as your belief and not some higher universal truth. Belief in something does not empower you to be the judge of others who don't think like you. 

That's God's job, never forget that.

A ninja I found

Art day

Have work to do so here's a picture.

Back to bees

Previously I mentioned that I like bees, and today I am going expand on why. 

When I was little I didn't get along with the local kids most of the time. I was enrolled in a private school and so everyone knew I was different. It didn't help that I was probably in the most well off family in the neighborhood as well, at least for most of the time we lived there.

So I spent a lot of my time at home away from the other kids, but sometimes the local kids would stop by when I was in the front yard reading. The conversation would usually go something like this:

Hey, what are you doing?

Reading.

Why?

Because I want to know what happens.

Why not just watch the movie?

They haven't made one yet.

Must be boring then.

(Noncommittal shrug)

Dude there's a bee on you!

They like bright colors.

It's going to sting you.

No it's not.

You're weird.

(Noncommittal shrug)

They would ride off and I would go back to reading, wondering why people were so stupid.

Sometimes I would just sit there and watch the bees flying from flower to flower, wondering why people weren't more like bees. Cooperating to help everyone in the community, instead of being mean to each other. Other times I would imagine that the bees were my protectors and would chase the mean neighborhood kids away.

So it makes me sad whenever I read a new article about declining bee populations in America. Beyond the stupidity of destroying the best way to pollinate crops, it hits me on a personal level. Thankfully there's a simple solution, to help bees, that everyone can do.

Plant flowers, it really is that easy. The manicured lawns that are so common create a wasteland for bees. This means that they have to travel far from their hives and don't always make it back. In many ways we are starving them, and with starvation comes disease which is why less than half of the bee population survived last winter. Seriously Google it if you don't believe me.

Even if you don't want to plant a garden, or can't because of where you live, hang flower baskets. Even just one could make the difference for a traveling bee. If even that is to much then get some wildflower seeds (Google free wildflower seeds) and use that instead of grass seed or toss them on any patch of dirt you see. It really is that easy, and will accomplish more to help the planet, and bees, then recycling.

That's all for today, I hope you can find the time to help some of my favorite critter friends. Thanks for reading.

Vampire Saturday

So today is game day for vampire LARP, and despite my misgivings I am looking forward to playing. 

My continued hope is that we will start getting into immersive role-play. I don't mind a good battle occasionally, but if we were going to do some hack and slash LARP I'd rather use boffer weapons in a fantasy or post apocalyptic setting.

I find it funny that, as I have gotten older, character development has become more important than action to me. The why behind things is more thrilling than the thing itself. I like it, and hope to share this love with others someday.

Will let you know how it goes, and will get back to the bees as well later.

Not about bees

Just ran out of time, so it's a plain picture day.

Chasing bees

I really like bees. It goes back to when I was a really shy and awkward little kid. I used to plant flowers in my mom's garden and we used to get tons of bees visiting.

I've never been stung, however I have had bees land on me. I even remember these huge bumble bees that would let me pet them. Bee fuzz is soft like rabbit fur, and their wings feel sharp like the edge of a plastic knife.

Never developed the common fear of being stung. When I would sit and read in the garden bees were the constant background noise. I knew they were just doing their part to make the flowers grow.

So I spent some time going out looking for a bee, and found this little guy in some ground cover. Tomorrow I think I'll spend some money on hanging flower baskets. No one in my neighborhood has a garden for the bees, and since I can't dig up my yard, it should give the bees a place to eat.

More on bees tomorrow...

Who is Lindsey?

So awhile back I changed phone numbers, and it seems a person named Lindsey had my new number. So far I've spoken to her father and two of her friends. I also know that she goes to the University of Montana in Missoula.

These conversations have been brief, but have caused me to wonder about my own relationships. Also each time the other person has been apologetic for contacting me. I have attempted to be friendly and courteous, but their conditioned response is still to apologize.

I don't understand why we feel the need to do that when dialing a wrong number. I do take the time to apologize only if it has been established that the call is unwelcome. Other than that I will usually attempt to converse with the individual,

time permitting. Some of the best conversations I've had were with complete strangers, so why does the general public need to apologize?

Apologizing implies that you've done something wrong. Miss-dialing a number,

while a mistake, is hardly wrong in a moral or ethical perspective. I accept that mistakes happen, but I believe they can be a source of opportunity as well.

When I was working at a gas station my coworker got a text from someone he didn't know. From the area code we knew it was from California, and we had a friend who was traveling with some rappers down there so he responded. It wasn't our friend but a legal clerk who'd had too much wine.

She was a single mom who had just started venturing back into the dating world. Good-looking blonde too, we know this because we managed to get her to send us a picture in the course of the conversation. Quite possibly the best seflie of a woman in a burgundy silk bathrobe I have ever seen. Anyone who thinks they can do better is welcome to try.

Anyway my coworker wasn't sure what to do after we got the picture, and I told him to just be nice to her. Any woman who shows you a pic like that, and isn't getting paid for it, deserves special treatment. So he started talking to her over a couple weeks, and they became fast friends.

Now the story ends there, but I think there's a few important things to point out about it. My coworker was not the best example of a person who treats people decently (the customers called him Mean Gene), but after this started I noticed him soften and start being a little nicer. He also told me he spent a lot of time texting this lady when she got home from the bars. Apparently knowing she could just chat with him let her be more discerning with who she spent her nights with, when she had a sitter. 

My point is, if two strangers who have never met before can each benefit from a wrong number, what could the rest of us accomplish if we stop worrying about apologizing for a simple mistake?

I like games

It's going to sound like a duh statement, but games are primarily how I have fun. Role-playing games are my favorite because it allows players to attempt to escape from the normal cycle of their lives. You get to experience, in your mind at the very least, new worlds and share it with others. You also get a set of rules to deal with the inevitable conflicts that occur in the world. A luxury that often does not exist in the real world.

Social complexity is something I haven't really gotten to explore in a game as the focus of the game. Often it has taken a backseat to things like smashing down the door and looting corpses. While I can get into this kind of play, I'd rather leave it primarily in video games, that type of media does it best in my opinion.

I'm looking forward to the next vampire game for this very thing. I do have concerns that some of the players want to play the kick in the door kind of game, but hope I can avoid that repetitive cycle. I do hope I can find some interesting characters to interact with to engage in reciprocity with. Few things excite me like working out problems. 

Nothing more today, just work and more work sadly. Catch you all tomorrow.

Who do you belong to?

For those who can't tell, this is a pair of panties I came across while walking around the neighborhoods surrounding the local college. They were out in a large communal type backyard behind some of the student housing. Nor did they appear to be damaged, simply left behind. No I didn't take them with me, I felt it was better to leave the monument to some strangers passion out in the grass where they, well you know.

I've always been quietly fascinated by the types of underwear people wear. There's some fascinating commonalities I've discovered over the years based solely on the type of underwear a person wears. So let's play Sherlock Holmes, and see what fascinating conclusions we can tell from the scene.

First based on the location and the size of the underwear I think were safe in assuming the owner was a female age 18 to 23, weighs between 110 and 130 pounds, and is enrolled in Montana State University. We can also assume that she does not live in the immediate vicinity. People tend to be a little bit more careful around their homes, also while it's not apparent from the picture this particular pair had to of been laying out in the sun for at least a day or two. They had that over exposed stiffness that develops in said amount of time. If the owner lived here she surely would've noticed them in that time and probably picked them up.

Secondly we can assume that she is likely to have an adventurous streak. While we can't assume that she is outwardly adventurous, we can at least tell from the leopard stripes pattern that she holds that kind of idea close to her. This is further held up by her willingness to engage in sexual activity out in public. In other words this girl is willing to take risks in her private life if not in her public life.

I can conclude that this person would be interesting to meet, if not to hang out with. She is probably in search of interesting experiences subconsciously if not consciously. This ends my analyzation of the random pair of panties I spotted while walking about.

Just a lazy Sunday

So following up about INGRES yesterday. I managed to get a wicked sunburn. Also going so much further than I usually do in the day has caused most of the joints in my arms to be really sore. So it's a nice easy day of doing dishes, reading, and staying out of the sun. 

Currently I'm in the midst of a novel called RoboGenesis. It's the sequel to Robopocalypse, a very aptly named series of books if there ever was one. Beyond the normal tropes of the robot apocalypse I actually really enjoy how it's written.

The first person narrative flows very well and uniquely for each character's perspective. Also there's a switch between perspectives of each chapter which has allowed the author to tell stories that are going on in three different places and still show the interconnectedness of the overall world plot even while the characters are dealing with his, her, or its own immediate individual problems.

So if you like serious apocalyptic thrillers this is a series I would definitely suggest.

Bonehead INGRESS play today

So today was Bozeman's first Saturday event for Ingress. We also started doing the fitness awards today which involves basically distance traveled via running, walking, biking that kind of thing.

 So the first bonehead thing I did was forget that this event was happening today and I showed up with zero gear, but when I heard about the fitness thing I was like sweet I'm probably going to be the only person on a bike.

So we get started and I am pumping like crazy all over town. Building a portals where I can and blowing up other ones as I collect enough gear to do so. Feeling really good about this and I'm sweating pretty hard. I stopped at one point at a bar to have a quick beer and fill my water bottle and I'm like yeah I can do this. 

Here's the bonehead part, I kept forgetting to leave the app open as I'm traveling around. So by the end of the day we get back and were inputting everything, my total traveled says 2 km. The guys who tied for the prize each came in with 5 km.

So I get home from the event knowing  I'm a bonehead now and I think '5 km is a lot that's pretty hardcore', then I remembered that my iPhone has this health app that says distance run or walked in the day. So I rock that puppy open and I look at it, grand total traveled over the day was 7.31 miles. I will grant that counts riding to the event and home from it, but I hadn't gone anywhere else at that point. Anyone who wants to do the conversion would have my gratitude if you posted it in the comments.

So that was my bonehead maneuver that cost me a win today. So if you're an Ingress player and you're going for this kind of thing it is important to remember to leave the app open. You all have a good day now and I hope it is as pretty where you are as it was here. 😃

Social characters part three

So what do I have to say about social characters that I haven't yet. The last time I discussed the positive effects that the character could have on the group socially. This time around I think we're gonna get into something a little bit more malevolent. The idea of how to cause trouble and ruin your enemy socially. First off, the necessary disclaimer.

This kind of thing should not be treated lightly, nor engaged in casually. Seriously the idea is to play this way infrequently, if you do these kinds of things consistently you will destroy a social game like vampire the masquerade. Everyone will hate you because most people don't appreciate the artwork of this kind of play. They only see the damage you have wrought, and will often lapse into despair. Even if you are completely upfront about intending to play this way you will catch others off guard and humans despise betrayal. I have also found that it is a rare player who can sufficiently detach from their character to appreciate the tragedy that has befallen said character. You have been warned.

The most subtle approach to damaging your opponents is to sow doubt and suspicion about them at every turn . To give an example of this let's say a character, we will call them Jim, defeats a powerful enemy. Thus  saving the rest of the group from having to deal with this. When people are singing their praise and congratulating Jim you insert: "It's a good thing Jim is such a powerful warrior, can you imagine how bad it would be if he ever turned on us?

Congratulations you have now just inserted doubt and fear about Jim in his moment of glory. Do this enough times and the group will generally start to constantly fear what Jim might do if he's ever angry with them. It's a long-term project, but you weren't going to just show up for one session were you?

The next thing is starting rumors about them. This is actually much easier than most people suspect. Going back to Jim, say you're talking with another character and you casually insert: hey I saw Jim over by the bar the other night, I wonder what he was up to, he doesn't usually go around in that area.

Jim of course probably wasn't anywhere near the bar, and won't have any explanation as to why he was. He will probably deny it and there's nothing quite like denial to start suspicion about someone.

I could go into the psychology of why this works, but that would make this tedious. For now I will leave you with your plotting and scheming to say goodbye.

Writer's immersion

A friend of mine posted on Facebook a simple question directed towards all of his friends that write for fun or are attempting to get published. The question was, do you guys ever feel like the real world just falls away while you're in the midst of writing and that everything else just kinda disappears? Turns out a week ago I had of rather funny incident happened that is directly related to this very phenomenon.

I was hanging out my room just kind of chilling when my roommate came home. He asked me if I wanted to come out and bullshit for little while and so we sat down and started talking. After he explained what he been doing at work all day, He asked what I had been doing all day. I told him that I'd been reading this fascinating book about a shape shifter that I hadn't seen anyone else approach in this particular way before.

I started explaining what the world was like and got in-depth on some of the characters backgrounds. I explained how the main character had been forced out of his town because he hurt a bully in rather extraordinary way. Afraid of what the townsfolk would do to him, because of previous incidents of this character getting into trouble as a child, he set out into the great savanna that was on the edge of town.

In the course of running away he runs into another character who ends up cursing him, but it's not as negative a thing as it's first portrayed. The curse requires the main character to live as a coyote, but for three days out of the month he can turn back into a human boy if he so chooses. The main character doesn't often take this choice because in the initial story he doesn't actually interact with that many humans. What he does do is learn how to survive as a coyote out in the world and meets many other creatures. He spends most of these interactions learning that there's a greater breadth of what life actually is in the natural world away from man.

I explained a great deal more of what the specific incidents the main character was getting into, and eventually my roommate was like dude this is awesome what is this book called. I drew a complete blank, for the life of me the title of the book had just completely escaped. After explaining this I told him that the book had to be laying around somewhere I probably just misplaced it. We start looking through the living room and my bedroom trying to find this book when my roommate asked me what it looked like. I told him what made the most sense to me which was I thought the cover had a coyote on it.

After several minutes of frustrated searching it occurred to me that maybe it was a e-book I had downloaded on my iPhone. So I pulled out the phone and opened it up. In front of me was the text that I had just been talking about. However this text was not an e-book, it was a document file that I have been writing all day. I had literally forgotten that this story was the one that I was writing and that's why I didn't know how it ended yet. Needless to say after I explained what it happened we both got a good laugh out of it.

So that is my story about writer immersion and how sometimes we can get very very lost in what we're doing.

Social characters part two

Last time I talked about how the social character could adapt combat situations in vampire the masquerade. This time I'm going to talk about how a social character can thrive in a proper, in my opinion, vampire the masquerade game. As always if more specific examples would be appreciated please ask in the comment thread on the blog, as I am often unable to deeply check into my social media threads that this blog gets shared too.

So it's gonna sound crazy but social characters really only thrive in a social environment. You're going to want to try and push people into actual role-playing situations more for both for your personal benefit and for the benefit of game. Of course this will have to be done with the light touch as nobody likes being overtly manipulated.

Strictly speaking as to how I would go about doing it, which is not necessarily the best way, or the only way. I would go about interacting with the characters asking them what their personal goals, wants, and needs are. It is best to leave all assumptions at the door and actually get down to the bare bones of these questions at this point. Once you've learned the answer to these questions, or at least gotten the player to think about it, you can start building the foundation of your powerbase.

Find the people who are willing to work with others and stitch them together with their like minded counterparts. You can start with discussion about the future changes the group needs to cover its survival. Everyone likes having their opinion heard, and you are the glue that holds them together. Find the time to talk with them.

More details to come...

 

Social characters in vampire LARP

In the new version of vampire the masquerade live-action role-playing game, there are basically three attributes stats that you can focus your character towards. Those stats are physical, social, and mental. Today I'm gonna focus on the general social strategies that I have spotted in the book because of friend of mine is concerned about playing a socialite character and isn't sure exactly what he should do. Mostly this is a practice thing, I know he's very capable of this because of how naturally suave and pretty he is, but I wanted to help out and I like the idea of socialite characters anyway.

We start with listening to others. Really I cannot stress enough how important this is for a social character. In fact I'm going to say flat out that if you do not enjoy listening to others you need to play another character. Any objections based on how cool the powers are, wanting to be in charge, or anything else like that are invalid. You're being a terrible person if you attempt to play a social character for any reason other then you want to socially interact with others.

Socialite characters are a bit of a two edge sword in a vampire game. If the game is going in such a way that everyone is immersed and spending most of their time actually role-playing, the social character is the strongest play. If the game devolves to the point where everyone is concerned about stat points, damage capability, and defense from damage then unfortunately the social character is very lackluster, but there are  still some things you can do that will even the playing field for you.

In a combat heavy environment, you poor bastard, the socialite character can shape the field by using their powers such as awe and dread gaze to distract or push nonplayer characters away from the rest of the players. If you are tough enough to take the hits, while everyone else is focusing on killing the nonplayer characters, that is an option too. If you have powers that allow you to summon your own nonplayer characters then you can further contribute to the combat with them. 

The idea is to control the battlefield not actually resolve it, that's what everyone else is for. It's important to recognize this limitation otherwise you will be very unhappy at how often you get beat up. Since most people hate a backseat leader, getting beat up a little bit is good, it creates sympathy for you from the other characters. Which you can use in your regular manipulations of them towards your goals.

More about this tomorrow.

How the vampire game went

The vampire game didn't end up getting rained out. Instead we played over at a friend of mine's house. While this location was not the one I was hoping for, originally we were going to be in park by a graveyard, It did end up being better for the game as a whole as I think everyone was in a much more relaxed atmosphere, and there happened to be a bottle of Jameson's at the location that I unfortunately imbibed of much more than I should have. This opinion is based more on how much of the Jameson's I drank and less on my personal conduct, I managed to avoid acting like a ridiculous ass in other words. 

We also picked up a brand-new player who managed to make a character primarily on his own and figured out the system well enough to make a character that many of the other players considered overpowered or broken. Personally I thought this was an awesome achievement and was very happy that this player got to use a character like that. As a result he was the star of the show. This is always a great thing for a new player to experience and while it may have taken away from the other players time everyone enjoyed watching his antics so much that I think it balances out into the positive.

The other awesome thing was that I learned that Dragon dictation software is actually free app through the Apple app store. Which is how I'm writing this now, and also explains the length and verbosity of this post as opposed to how I usually write. Usually the dictation I've been using is the built-in Apple software and I end up trading between the dictation and actually typing which is why it sounds a little weird. The Dragon now breathes my words of mysticism and enchantment upon all of you, be warned, you are all doomed to read my actual speaking habits dictated in text (menacing laugh).

Saturday post or things that couldn't wait for Monday

So today I will be wandering back into the old World of Darkness through live action role-playing (LARP). Unless the game is cancelled due to the rain that the weather prophets are calling for. There is supposed to be lightning too, and we're playing in a park right next to a cemetery.          

I can't think of a better outdoor venue and perceive this as good fortune. I suspect the general weakness of the flesh and people not bothering to prepare for the eventuality of rain will shorten game, but I am hopeful. Even if the vampire game goes kaput, I will still go do some time as a secret agent in Ingress and hack me some portals. So today is looking like a win regardless of whatever life and other people do.

The only bad thing for me about rain is possible damage to my phone and e-cig. Buying a umbrella may become a priority considering my tendency to play with electronics outdoors, only time will tell. I would say having to choose between looking sweet in my trench coat or riding my bike is a problem as well, but I really do own a sweet looking trench coat (vanity 1 exercise 0). 

Maybe I will take a picture of me and my sweet coat out in our element today. Yum.

Oh to spend a weekend here

Yes sir, give me two bags of Soylent, two gallons of water, a dozen candles, an unlined notebook, and I will happily wander these halls over a weekend.

 Garlic, silver bullets, these things are for those afraid of the night. My demons have made me immune to such paltry fears. I seek only the beautiful essence of this place, and I am the best choice to find it.

My epitaph if I should not return? Tell them I walked willing with a requiem in my heart and dreams in my head. Tell them I went so others would not have to. Tell them I finally went home.

It's hard being sad most of the time.

This isn't a cry for help but simply me going through a moment and sorting it out. You may find this depressing so continue reading at your own peril.

There is the steady possibility of me being sad about nothing or anything at any and every moment of my life. I was told at a young age that I had seasonal chronic depression. I can only take the doctor's word for this, because I don't have any qualifications to diagnose such a disease. I can tell you about what it is like to be me day to day, and how I feel about some of the things I have seen.

Before getting into all of that I want to explain chronic seasonal depression as it was explained to me. Picture a black line stretching out unwaveringly. This is our baseline for human emotion, it is neither happy or sad it is simply where the average person starts from. 

Now picture a blue line stretching out one inch to the right of the black line. This is our baseline for the emotional state of wanting to kill ones self, or extreme depression. Everything in between is varying degrees of sadness.

Now picture a red line a quarter of an inch to the right of the black line. This is me, because I like the color red and it's my line diagram. It also represents my baseline emotional state or where I start from. This is what I was told chronic depression is like visually. It also means it is harder for me to reach a state of contentment than the average person, much less being happy, but wait there's more.

The seasonal part means that I get a special bout of major depression roughly every three months. Going back to the visual example, picture the lines traveling along for about four inches. At the three inch mark my red line goes from being a quarter of an inch right of the black line all the way to the blue line, you know the one that can result in death. Some times it lasts for a couple of days and sometimes it goes for weeks, but eventually it goes back to being the less than happy standard of being just kinda sad again. You could say that the excitement of terror is built into my brain and that I am blessed with the inability to be bored for very long. Don't say that, it will make me unhappy with you to say the least.

So one of the certain constants in my life as a result of this is if I can't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning I don't. One of the things writing in this blog helps me do is find that reason. Granted most of the time I lay naked in bed and simply shout at my iPhone to write my entry, but it is the very first thing I do. Even before the basic urge of a morning piss.

Even the need to piss can't trump the urge to lay in bed sometimes. I have literally been so upset upon waking that the thought of dying, so that I don't have to get up, seems better than reliving myself. Writing this blog gets me past that sadness in a way basic biology won't, because of the hope it gives me.

A faint hope that out there, in internet land, there are people who read the things I have to say and might miss me. I know some of my friends read these posts to break up the monotony of their day at work and they like me, but damn it is hard to remember that most of the time. Another fun constant of my condition or disease or whatever the fuck modern psychology is calling it this year.

I have lots more to say on this subject but for now I am going to leave you with a picture of kitties, because kitties are good and happy things. Also I need to feed my fish. Fun fact: fish owners are the most happy of all the different pet owners according to statistical polls. I laughed long and hard when I read that fun little factoid.

Woke up late have a picture

Memorial Day

Go do something besides read the internet. 

Giant evil gods

I really like the movie Cabin in the Woods. There's something about the premise of humanity having sacrificed young adults/children over centuries to appease great evil deities that will crush the planet that appeals to me. Must be the miles wide optimistic nihilism that seems to run through me.

Something in me finds it very comforting that if nothing else, someday the sun will expand into a red giant and swallow the earth. This probably won't happen in my lifetime, but still comforting for me to think about. The idea of eternal existence, while amusing to me to toy with, seems like it would be a terrible bore in the long run.

Despite how quickly things change technologically, and to a lesser extent sociologically, much of day-to-day existence is quite repetitive in the current norm of our society. There are two real cures for this. The first is through an act of creation, which is not as easy as you would think. Most of what we call creative isn't truly new, but a recombination of existing things that appears new to us. Something truly new and creative is far rarer. Honestly I can't think of anything recent that wasn't either prophesied through fiction or is directly related to something previous. Maybe this is a lacking on my part, and if anyone can point to something please post it in the comments below.

The second is active destruction. This happens every day on our planet and in the rest of the universe. New life is fertilized by the destruction of old and the cycle continues. It's very Buddhist in its cycle, and may be the true answer to existence.

I'm done now, but for the record, most of this was dictated while I was finishing a bottle of tequila. Feel free to disregard if necessary.